whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
