Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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