how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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