does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
