In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
