the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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