life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Holy shit dude........stairs
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
