I'm going to rape someone's good day.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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