Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
