Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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