sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
