Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
