It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
