She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
