Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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