if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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