I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
