In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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