im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts