Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?