This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
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Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..