youre lurking in front of me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.