mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.