i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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