My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
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did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
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You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.