forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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