need another drink. this is the easiest way
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
