margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
