I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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