I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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