You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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