I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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