first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
