She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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