marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
this hospital has no fireball
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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