I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
