Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
