I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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