So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
