i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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