i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Holy shit dude........stairs
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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