i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sex in the backyard? Check.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
