Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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