So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
