I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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