Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
