My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
