Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize