I just saw a hot homeless man
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
