I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
