I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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