Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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