god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
birth control should be required to get into college
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
