Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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