there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Text me some of your sweat
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
