She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
