You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
