I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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