cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It was confusing and full of hummus
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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