I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
