Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Who died my cat blue again?
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