No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
