I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
should my penis look like a turkey
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
