thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
