ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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