the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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