No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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